tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51287282024-03-08T16:51:33.137-08:00THE AMAZING TALES OF<img src="http://www.infoukes.com/culture/philately/ua-postcards/image044.jpg">
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<img src="http://www.foxfires.com/proadtitle.jpg">The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.comBlogger3048125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-85759406293934538022007-11-21T20:53:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.939-07:00Whattayaknow. They made <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/dreamanatomy/da_g_IV-A-01.html"><i><b><font color="#ff0000" size=3>a poster of the old me</font></b></i></a>!The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-72068840933175015452007-11-21T18:46:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.940-07:00<div class="subject"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Identity, Success, and Dissociative Personality Disorder<br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;">(rough draft/unedited)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></div><br /> </div> For every situation, there is an identity to which the scenario constitutes a win-state. The average man being tortured has lost, but masochist is in his element. The average barren women is depressed, a career woman uninterested in offspring is relieved. Of course, this revelation is mostly useless. Few of us have the ability to rewrite ourselves significantly, much less fast and well and into the correct enough person to win in every instance. More than that, to do so goes against some deep and potent need for an Identity, a definition. Even if that was not an issue, there is a resilience to personality and perception that is difficult to bypass and due to this, little chance that some scenarios will be provided with the appropriate champion persona. An ambitious, hard-working type with definite plans that gets laid-off and blacklisted from a high level occupation is unlikely to be made of the traits that the type that would revel in exile because that type would almost never have reached so far. Conversely, because we work towards those goals which we hope and assume reflect our personality-defined win-state, we do have a better rate than chance of being the right person for the big moments. This doesn't help as much as it should, not thanks to a lack of mercury in the spirit, but in that there exists a third set of personalities: those which contain self-defeating definitions of win-states. This can be thanks to the basic nature of success in that every victory gives you a better view of how much higher you could climb. With five dollars, you can better imagine having ten. Because of the nature of the mental mechanisms which allow us to pursue long-term goals, it's also common for a defined victory condition to be less satisfying than the pursuit. This can be circumvented slightly by putting a positive spin on individual moments, but it's rare that it's avoided entirely except by gold-fish and the unusually in-the-moment.<br /><br />Changing personality is possible, it happens not so uncommonly. Traumas, epiphanies, ardurous months of redefinition are all vehicles for self-alteration, though any of them can come from outside and external influences have no preference in what change they work on an individual. Few people have a knack for it and so we get half-formed identities peppered with contradictions subtle or sternum-piercing, wannabes, and nervous breakdowns from the stress of attempting perfections or ill-fitting clothes. Even those that can work auto-alchemy are often uncomfortable doing so as there nearly always an aspect of chance that may sour the creation and that there is the simple fact that becoming a new person by definition will invalidate much of the old, though if it doesn't there then runs the risk of slipping back into an old skin and old habits, erasing the work of months. So you run the risk of becoming something, someone, less well-adapted to the place and time you've found yourself and if the option of screwy inner-lycanthropy is being considered, it's certainly because you've found yourself ill-suited to where you are while you're there meaning the risk is that of even greater loss than you're currently enduring. And then, if you change and the scenario is only brief, the difficulty of changing again is unstandardized with some shapes sticking more strongly than others. More than that, the new person you are might have the right outlook only to find all your old skills don't fit, leaving you with stronger hands perhaps but a lack of tools. Many resources can be loss, if only because their promoted status is negated. The goals you were so close to that inertia can carry you the rest of the way may become little more than unnotable, unworthy happenstance when someone new lives with your parts. You could be so close to wooing that woman all you needed to do was smile one more time, but after becoming that good and focused professional you needed for work, that one smile never occurs to you. Or the reverse and becoming a soppy easy-goer misses your meeting for you and all that other ambition is toppled over and if the girl was a one-night stand or the job just temping and you eventually return to the old you, all the work of the majority is gone. Most of us are who we are for long enough that big things may be nearly done by the time we change, wasting our time and effort. Of course, most people only change slowly, a long-term adaptation you'd never notice if you were there with them, so sluggish that the water can boil before we notice it's getting hot in here (or that we realize all that paper means we're wealthy now). For those of us that do, though, it's a delicate equation of price and transaction, weight and counterbalance and evaluation of the profit en potentia. And it's hard, too. To decide whether or not to be proactive or let the moment wash over us in the hope of fading time. To trade wallets with a stranger. To let our past be a sunk investment. To give up our projects and patterns and habits in the hope that new pursuits will yield bigger payoffs. To hope that all the reinforcement of the old and poorly working self won't be so much that in trying to change, we only twist ourselves broken like Jenga on a spinning plate, that the new self is as right as we predict it to be, that we can salvage something from the Beforetimes like survivors of an ineptly written apocalyptic novel or that the pain we're escaping really is bigger and longer than joy we're paying with for our escape. The uncertain future makes it hard. Makes a wrong choice feel like our fault when passive victimization is at least the fault of others. Or so we tell ourselves.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-85418116443692360382007-11-21T18:45:00.002-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.940-07:00<div class="subject"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Cardiac Tissue and Pair-Bonding </span></span><br /></div><br /> </div> Having emotions is a different world, a whole other body-parallel, than having <i>romantic</i> emotions. People can hurt you or make you glow no matter which options you come equipped with, but having romantic feelings is like grafting testicles and a penis to your heart. On the one hand, when someone makes your heart run fast, it's even more... satisfying. On the other, when it gets broke or bruised, you've also got to deal with having been punched in the nuts. Either way, things are messier. Fluids and discolorations everywhere. It makes the target more sensitive to pleasure and pain, but also <i>punched in the nuts</i>. That's the main point here. And having all that unthinking motive tissue so close to the head only makes you stupid as it tears all the blood from your brain to fuel heart palpitations and fruitless erections. It makes you aggressive, makes you want to fight or fall or fuck. It's ridiculous. You're ridiculous.<br /><br />I blame the oxytocin.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-39397580318791582382007-11-21T18:45:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.940-07:00<div class="subject"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> My Opinions <br /><br /></span> </div> <div class="entry_text">"Good in bed" - good at sex<br /><br />"Good on the couch" - good at hanky-panky</div>The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-46593971929814895192007-11-21T18:43:00.002-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.940-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >Most Soothing</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><br /></div><br />Arbitrary, random, immersive nonsense like staring at a photo montage of mustaches throughout the ages played to a soulful 70's soundtrack<br /><br />Children's Books that I've never read before<br /><br />Love of a good woman<br /><br />Love of a good woman who can't help being bad<br /><br />Success<br /><br />Money<br /><br />Power<br /><br />Full-Attention-Requiring Games<br /><br />Milk<br /><br />Meat<br /><br />Getting lost on purpose<br /><br />Imagining riding unusual animals or eating them or punching buffalo<br /><br />Coffee Excesses (except when it drives me to an intense but productive and satisfying rage)<br /><br />Driving<br /><br />Sleep<br /><br />Plotting and/or Scheming<br /><br />Turkey<br /><br />Crushing those that oppose me<br /><br />Sad but hopeful funk/soul and misc other music<br /><br />Views of complex machinery<br /><br />RuinsThe Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-58901891232820662812007-11-21T18:43:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.941-07:00I just realized that even though I saw it before I understood about sex, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089469/"><i><b><font color="#ff0000" size=2>LEGEND</font></b></i></a> threw a whole lot of intuition about sex into my head. Intuition I ignored later in life, but christ. You want to prepare your kids for how sexual attraction works half the time? Show them the damn movie.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-90261781191043174542007-11-21T18:41:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.941-07:00It's a fun example of subtle connotations that "Big man" is often slightly derogatory (particularly if not qualified by "On Campus" or etc.), but "Big guy" is an endearment.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-79052415971426040022007-11-20T11:13:00.002-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.941-07:00<a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/lotus_feet/pic/0008gtsg"><i><b><font color="#ff0000" size=3>Yes</font></b></i></a>The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-83625574342634552912007-11-20T11:13:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.942-07:00"It was like in cartoons, how all the characters are starving and when they look at each other, they just see giant talking food, except with (Joe and Jane), all they saw were, I don't know, giant talking genitals."<br /><br />and<br /><br />"They were like two hungry lions in a pen except that instead of being hungry for a gazelle, they were hungry for each other. Sexually."The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-43904263943430982732007-11-20T11:12:00.002-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.942-07:00Methadone RoseThe Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-49647578762430067402007-11-20T11:12:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.942-07:00I need my arms to stop containing muscles who had some kind of gritty, sandy, vaguely caustic crystal powder rubbed into them.<br />Hydraulics'd be fine.<br /><br />Hell, I'd put up with the little tiny-embarassed-cartoon-insect farty sound and all that melodramatic emo sighing you get with pneumatics, but this shit has got to go.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-52577872436659949862007-11-20T11:11:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.942-07:00"Stories are told about how Tiramisu was the favorite of Venice's courtesans, who needed a "pick me up" (the literal translation of"tirami-su") to fortify themselves between their amorous encounters. True? Probably not. But it makes for a colorful history. Its American popularity arose in San Francisco, and today, Tiramisu can be found in restaurants throughout the nation."<br /><br />and<br /><br />"'Zuppa Inglese' is nothing like Tiramisù and that should prove my second point. Tiramisù is really from Treviso. Zuppa Inglese may be from Tuscany, but Tiramisù was first created in Treviso. The storya bout the courtesans should be true too. As far as I know Tiramisù used to be eaten by the ladies who 'worked' in the brothel above therestaurant called 'Le Beccherie,' where Tiramisù is said to have been created."<br /><br />-heavenlytiramisu.comThe Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-90439594613436852502007-11-20T11:10:00.002-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.943-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> The Twenty-Three Reasons to Pick a Fight <br /><br /></span></div>Dominance<br />Frustration<br />Defense<br />Principle<br />Boredom/Ennui<br />Thrillseeking Tendencies<br />Acquisition<br />Just Going With It<br />Not Getting Laid Enough<br />Sadism<br />Masochism<br />To Annihilate Those That Oppose or Offend You<br />Insecurity<br />Impress Chicks<br />Impress Dudes<br />Suicide<br />Revenge<br />Anger - current<br />Forced To<br />Part of Your Cover Identity<br />Survive Prison<br />Need Bruises<br />Distract ThemThe Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-22388017865893565542007-11-20T11:10:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.943-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Water's good for everything else, but not a case of the Blues </span><br /></div><br /><br />The downside of being more health-conscious is that, when faced with emotional distress, my immediate response is to feel like I should be drinking more water.<br /><br />That doesn't even make sense.<br /><br />As far as what's opened the gates to the burning tire dump that is feeling down, it's a combination of a little concern for my grandaddy who had a stroke, learning that the most recent ex has a new boyfriend which she kept secret from me and which could easily rearrange a lot of my plans for the home-visit at break, frustration and uncertainty at where I am socially and where I'm going professionally, and cold fingers because I'm too cheap to turn on the heat. And I'm horny as the devil with normal outlets increasingly feeling unsatisfactory with the next best chance not being a one that'll go further than the "giggle" in the "poke and giggle" scenario. And the neighbor's cat has been yowling for an hour.<br /><br />But really, water might be good when you're sick, tired, have a headache or sore muscles, or having trouble digesting, but I am willing to bet dollars to dimes it is not a meaningful aid in fighting the "Grumpies" (at this point, I'd run out of synonyms for sad that didn't inaccurately pull off into "depressed" which isn't the way things are).<br /><br />Also, my Primal Male is going fucking crazy these days and I can literally feel the other inner-factions beating his ass down when he gets up, including a bunch of the guilds and organizations that don't normally get involved or reveal themselves to casual conscious inspection. He's acting like an upset crazy old dog that doesn't know or understand what's going on. It's tiring. I'm tired. I wish I were a flaming ball of gas and teeth flying around scaring the crap out of air-traffic controllers. That'd be the life. That'd be better.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-41397822099126293112007-11-11T20:53:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.943-07:00<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0156609/"><i><b><span style="font-size:100%;color:#ff0000;">The Hoboken Chicken Emergency</span></b></i></a><br /><br />Sometimes, the world has no excuse for its actions.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">...</div>The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-27371816971067455282007-11-11T19:28:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.944-07:00I would love to see AMAZO fight Brainiac.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-43690689861092310212007-11-11T19:26:00.005-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.944-07:00It's only after having handfuls of three types of olives be the complete measure of your dinner do you really realize how weird the little things are. Little semi-ripe textured big-seeded fruit drowned in brine. Not much like anything but themselves.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-23558414372474262152007-11-11T19:26:00.003-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.944-07:00"Like those songs you hear as a kid that didn't catch your interest but you can recognize when you're older, but when you hear again sound like they're hinting at things you never would have thought of as a kid and then your childhood feels a little smirched and you feel like they were laughing at you a little when they played the song for you"<br />-In response to a proposed cover of the Ding Dong Song by Della ReeseThe Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-30779665369856186242007-11-11T19:26:00.001-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.944-07:00<div class="subject"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Also an example of why I probably can't be trusted with a machine like that </span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></div><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span> </div> <div class="entry_text">DW (9:27:55 PM): Dexter Goes to Camp<br />Wombatidae (9:27:53 PM): And it makes you sort of hate the sister more<br />Wombatidae (9:28:01 PM): I would watch that<br />...<br />Wombatidae (9:28:28 PM): If they did it in the same style as Earnest Goes to Camp<br />Wombatidae (9:28:37 PM): With just the character switch<br />DW(9:29:24 PM): Same here, man.<br />DW (9:29:35 PM): Also, Dexter Scared Stupid would be great.<br />Wombatidae (9:29:48 PM): Dexter Goes To Jail might be a bit weird, though<br />Wombatidae (9:30:09 PM): Scared Stupid. Man, he just starts serial-killing horrible goblin-troll beasts<br />Wombatidae (9:30:32 PM): Tying them down with saran wrap, pictures of the kids they've turned to wooden statues surrounding them<br />Wombatidae (9:30:49 PM): Talking casually to them about his romantic problems<br />DW (9:31:06 PM): "Mmmmyap, you killed a lot of kids, huh? YknowwhatImean."<br />Wombatidae (9:31:02 PM): God, that'd be amazing<br />Wombatidae (9:31:34 PM): I have always wished I had a magical movie-mixing machine that I could just throw things together with</div>The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-2343444634740628792007-11-11T19:11:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.945-07:00Just once, I want that gag that goes "I know X like the back of my hand" and then they look at the back of their hand and remark about something they didn't know to just end with them looking at the hand and then "Cancer!"<br /><br />Afterwards, if everyone around them was really sincere in consoling them, that too would be funny.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-47741651879218473072007-11-11T19:10:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.945-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica;font-size:+1;"><i><b>Sunday Night Question, Monday Morning Query</b></i></span><br /></div><span style="font-family:Arial,Helvetica;font-size:+1;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span> You're about to depart on a fantastic action-filled space-opera adventure. Which weapon do you pick?<br /><br />A) Laser gun<br />B) Flame pistol<br />C) Lightning pistol<br />D) Disintegration Raygun (not a point-and-click, shoots holes <i>through</i> things)<br />E) Sonic Blaster<br />F) Atomo-pistol<br />G) Rocket Pistol (shoots tiny exploding rockets)<br />H) Railgun Pistol/Blunderbuss<br />I) Bee gun (it shoots out bees)<br />J) Flechette gun<br />K) Six-shooter<br />L) Turbine Pistol<br />M) Pain Gun<br />N) Molecular Destabilization Ray<br />O) Other: Describe Below<br /><br /><br />Now, what does it look like? What's the make (rifle, pistol, hold-out gun, back-pack blaster, old, new, inherited, etc.), abilities, limitations, and quirks? Why did you pick it? What adventures do you think it's most useful for?<br /><br />And then, an ACTION SCENE! GO!The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-82870372263365790922007-11-11T19:09:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.945-07:00Today, I was more productive than a bulimic bee and what I made, ten times so sweet.<br /><br />In theory.<br /><br />What I made was a lot of progress, much of it thanks to the use of my very own shared undergrad who is ambitious and loveable and seems to love scut work. It's glorious, though we may have to go back and fix (or teach her to fix) a variety of issues she may or may not have accidentally incurred in the process of handling a mind-numbing amount of stimuli. Still, it's a beautiful thing.<br /><br />What I ALSO made was an application for an NSF Fellowship, which I'm unlikely to get, but which yielded a lot of helpful essays that I'll almost certainly further polish and use in applying to the DOD* Fellowship which I have what is probably a slightly better chance of getting, mostly due to there being a lot more funding put towards dealing with prosthetics thanks to the Iraq War. And, see, I deal with prosthetics. Also? What I do can theoretically be applied to weaponry and overall military tech. But that's just a happy/unhappy coincidence. And if it's double, then I can afford all sorts of fancy new things. Toys, clothes, food better than eggs cooked in various forms, scar removal, a tattoo, brail implantation on my hand, a nicer apartment. A monkey that wears a smoking jacket. The possibilities are endless.<br /><br />Anyhow, just because it might amuse y'all, up next is the horrible, dull, poorly-written, and overall uninspiring essays I set out in my name to fight as my champions. They are probably going to lose. Only one of them even knows which end of the sword counts as "pointy". Things don't look good for our ragtag band.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:-2;">*Yes, that Department of Defense. If I get THAT grant, it's twice the money, half the pressure from above, and a guaranteed place of employment for the first couple years out the PhDoor**. And besides, super deathkill cyber-soldiers free from the weaknesses of morality and the flesh. Come ON, that's COOL. Damn.<br /><br />**I know it's not funny. Or clever. It's an abomination level "joke". And your disappointment and pain is the punchline. Haha, not really. I'm just crashing harder than the Titanic, if the Titanic had been one of those unlikely flying boats from videogames and fantasy stories. And was made of lead. With rocket engines accidentally aimed upwards, driving it careening past its natural terminal velocity to cause massive property damage and loss of life in a small-to-middling town unluckily situated under its flight-path. And all the passengers are, like, really fat. Robots. Really, really fat robots.</span>The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-40304023592799995982007-11-11T19:08:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.946-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Personal Statement</span><br /></div><br /> There is little in the way of a good story regarding what drew me into science, much less the specificity of focus which I now pursue, but the constant addition of layer after layer of interest and preference has laid such a strong and uniform perceptual framework that escape is as impossible as pulling a barbed wire fence out of the tree that grew around it. There have been events, here and there, which shaped which field I eventually landed in, but the basic pursuit has been there since the beginning. It’s not one night of staring at the stars or growing up with damaged loved-ones or surviving an accident or a summer at Space Camp (though I did go to Science Camp one summer, which was an experience in psychological research and comfortable submersion in the subculture of awkward proto-scientists).<br /> Between my parents and scattered relatives, who still occasionally send tickets to exhibits like BodyWorks or shows at the IMAX Theater, there has always been a lot of support from my family. My parents did everything to make sure my brother and I were involved with the big world. We regularly went on “adventure walks” and trips to the science museum. Most summers, I went to a day-camp at a nearby nature preserve or spent time at my grandpa’s cabin up in the Minnesota North. At the camp they took us on nature walks, taught us about ecosystems and animals and some slight natural history, all through hands-on exploration and activities. At my grandpa’s, I got technical answers to childhood questions drawn up from his forty-some years as an engineer, DIY guru, and spare-time inventor. Its one thing to design a tree-house when you’re eight, but it’s another thing entirely to get advice about material economy, structural integrity, and electrical wiring issues while you doodle. Home with my parents was often a little less technical, but they did a good job of actually answering my questions as a kid instead of ignoring them or making up answers. Still, because after a point, there’s only so much curiosity any two people can fill, they encouraged early literacy. As soon as I was able to read, they took me to the library every weekend and I would fill a milk-crate with books. A love of reading came in handy as I ended up spending a lot of time sick at home.<br /> As soon as I could read, I stumbled on my dad’s massive sci-fi collection. Not the proudest beginning maybe, but the stories about the potential of technology and man and all the million futures that came from digging into the hidden workings of the world stirred something in me that never settled back down. It was a good thing he had the books, too, as I spent much of my childhood sick at home and without cable, I spent my time reading and sleeping. More than just providing an opportunity for the subtle propaganda of space-operas and cyberpunk to sink in, being sick instilled a dissatisfaction with the “natural” limits we’re born into. It wasn’t so much disliking nature, but being forced to merely cope instead of fix. It was the feeling of being out of control that breeds either resignation or rebellion and too much was expected from me for resignation.<br /> Being away from school so much made me shy and bookish, which would have been more of a problem had I not also been a head taller than everyone else. When I was at school, I was mostly outside looking in. People-watching and awkwardness combined to force me to try to understand things from an intellectual perspective and the time alone gave me time to think it out. All this combined to encourage an interest in the sciences as I was put in a position where there was a lot of information at hand and a need to figure it out, as well as providing me with a diverse base of knowledge in the wide variety of books I read from which to draw inspiration and new ways of looking at things. As I grew up and became less awkward and shy, this way of looking at things never really faded away and instead became increasingly integral to my relation to the world and my ambitions.<br /> More importantly, as time went by I figured out specifically what I wanted to do with myself and where my strongest aptitudes lay. Biochemistry gave way to Neuroscience after taking a class on Gödel Escher and Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, where I became increasingly fascinated with the mental and neurological systems. Neuroscience gave way to Psychology after taking my first Cognitive Psychology class in which I discovered a greater aptitude for concepts than memory alone and found that though I was torn between an interest in the concrete functions of the brain (biopsychology/neuroscience) and cognitive explanations, I had more of a knack for cognitive theory than brain chemistry (though I still hope to pursue both to some degree).<br /> These days, it’s a continuous mid-level reinforcement of interest spotted with moments of success in the lab that bring in the big guns of conditioning. There aren’t many moments of overwhelming awe and wonder, but I never stop being impressed. I keep up on the general trends in medical and prosthetics, computers and information theory, and being in closer contact with those that share my interests has given so many more opportunities for sharing excitement over research both past and future that interest is constantly bolstered. Finally having the chance to do the work I’ve been passionate about my entire life has only served to fully set not only my professional ambition, but to make any other life difficult to conceive of.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-7235260012649804102007-11-11T19:06:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.946-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Research Proposal</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Acquiring Expert-Level Skill with Telepresence Robotic Limb Via Virtual Glove: an fMRI and Learning Process Study</span><br /></div><br />Keywords: fMRI, motor cortex, tool-use, skill acquisition, prosthetics, arm, action mapping, cyberpsychology<br /><br /> Our primary focus in the lab is on tool use with a special interest in prosthetics use, particularly in regards to adaptation to and function-exploitation of prosthetic hands and arms. To this end, we plan to study the acquisition of skill in the direction of a mechanical arm as a parallel to learning to use a prosthetic limb after amputation. With previous research supporting a goal-oriented rather than tool-specific process in the motor cortex (Tunik, Frey, and Grafton, 2005; Johnson-Frey, McCarty, and Keen, 2004), further study is necessary to determine the specifics of the process, an important question in relation to prosthetics use thanks to the apparent integration of tool into action schema, something also of more general interest regarding tool design and training overall. This obvious potential application in increasing the level of function available to those reliant on prosthetic limbs and multi-function tools lends a good degree of value to the study, hopefully aiding our ability to use effectively the increasingly complex technology we as a culture are provided. When performed, this will be my introductory research into the specific topic of interest I have pursued through college. My interest in tool use and prosthetics has been prevalent during most of my life, fueled by the frustration with limits throughout a childhood with limited health and a general fascination with the positive potential on technology that is primarily limited by individuals’ ability to use what tools they can access.<br /> Though much of the proposed research is investigatory, seeking to provide a framework for the acquisition of tool-use and comparisons in activations in the motor cortex, the results should also provide information on the mapping of motor activity. We hypothesize that certain actions are more easily acquired in tool learning when the final action and the initiating action are most similar, such as use of a power grasp to initiate a power grasp with tongs, even if the actual actions are reversals (i.e. grasping to realize an object from reversed chemist tongs) as suggested by theories of embodied cognition (Simmering, Spencer, 2007). Similarly, we hypothesize that errors will be most prevalent when actions are most dissimilar. Furthermore, we expect our fMRI results to mirror earlier research suggesting goal-specific rather than motor-action specific activation in the motor cortex (Johnson-Frey et al, 2004). Combined, this will hopefully provide a basis from which to work in designing training programs for prosthetic-limb and other complex tool use as well as more general information regarding motor activity which may be applicable to reacquiring motor skills for stroke victims and the perception of tool function.<br /> Being a relatively new area of interest, little prior research has been performed. Much of what has been done has focused on attention in regards to control panels or computer monitors or the use of simple tools. Thanks to this, novel research is easily performed without much risk of accidental reproduction of previous experimentation. The studies below reflect research design constructed by myself with design-refinement guidance by my supervising professor.<br /> For the initial research, participants will be trained to reach and grasp objects using the robot via the virtual glove with a semi-arbitrary mapping configuration due to the difficulty of using the pinky to control certain actions. The degree of skill acquisition will be measured both in number and type of mistakes and by the achievement of various performance criterions, such as picking up an object or mimicking an arm posture in an image. After a final performance criterion consisting of use and coordination of each of the robot’s joints is easily achieved, subjects will be moved to an fMRI task in which the difficulty of two conditions will vary parametrically: 1) a reach condition wherein they must keep the robot’s grasping “fingers” together and make context with a target whose width is modulated geometrically, 2) a grasp condition they must reach to grasp the same targets. The geometric variations in target size allow us to modulate the difficulty of reach and grasp. They are cued aurally on a trial by trial basis whether the task is reach or grasp. The participants will begin their motions at a signal from the researcher and then have a limited period of time to achieve the goal of the condition with rest periods between attempts to achieve the goal.<br /> This data will be analyzed in several ways: A) evaluation of the effects of the parametric modulation of target size on reach and grasp conditions separately relative to rest under the premise that the target width manipulation will selectively increase demands on control of reach or reach plus grasp depending on the task, and B) a subtractive contrast of grasp vs. reach to remove the common reach component.<br /> The second study will be methodically similar, varying only in that instead of participants using the same mapping of finger motion to robot movement, the mapping will be randomized. Since the glove is capable of mapping any finger-movement input to any of the movements the robot arm is capable of, each participant will have a randomly assigned mapping configuration to learn. By doing so, we can control for and possibly cancel-out potential effects and quirks of specific mappings when doing more general group analysis as well as providing data for correlation analysis. In the second study, the data will be analyzed in the same way with the addition of looking at correlations between mapping configuration, robot action and component type involved in task, and error types.<br /> If effects are found in either study one or two, a third study with fMRI scans throughout the learning process will be performed to view the process of mapping complex tool functions in the motor-cortex and to determine the relation between the use of complex tools and normal motor functions when the end goal (such as grasping) is the same. Similar data analysis to that performed in the previous studies will be performed with an added temporal component for changes and activation of learning processes over time.<br /><br />Johnson-Frey, S.H., McCarty, M., & Keen, R. (2004). Reaching beyond spatial perception: effects of intended future actions on visually-guided prehension. Visual Cognition, 11, 371-399.<br /><br />Simmering, VR., Spencer, JP. (2007). Carving up space at imaginary joints: Can people mentally impose arbitrary spatial category boundaries? Journal Of Experimental Psychology-Human Perception and Performance 33 (4): 871-894<br /><br />Tunik E., Frey, S.H., & Grafton ST. (2005). Virtual lesions of the anterior intraparietal area disrupt goal-dependent on-line adjustments of grasp. Nature Neuroscience, 8, 505-511.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5128728.post-49432018817682654242007-11-11T19:02:00.000-08:002008-06-06T21:33:01.946-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Previous Research</span><br /></div><br />Perception of Support in Faces Following SubliminalStress – ChadMarsolek<br /><br />In (SLS), the study was a follow-up of earlier research that had shown an atypical conditioning effect between the subliminal presentation of instinctually threatening stimuli, for which images of snakes were used in both studies, followed by randomized artificial faces that had been altered to be either neutral, positive, or negative in their affect. The effect that was found showed a positive emotional association with those faces that possessed positive and negative affect when they were paired with the threatening imagery and a negative association for those faces with neutral affect. In this study, we hoped to discover further evidence of this and eventually run subjects through fMRI scans to pin down the role and activity of certain opioid centers, though this stage had not been reached by the time I had graduated.<br /><br /> My role in the research was primarily running subjects: having them sign release forms,making sure their consent was informed through an explanation in broad terms of the study, saving the results, and awarding them credit for having taken part. Additionally,as research was gathered, my supervisor and I would meet often, both casually and semi-weekly with other undergrad research assistants, to discuss the results and what implications they had. Though the (SI?) felt that finding a positive association with the negative affect faces ruined our results, my direct supervisor and I felt that the original theory which stated that we look for support when threatened should simply be widened. Instead of merely looking for those individuals who would soothe us, we also look for those who would share our emotional state, that we’re looking for allies to support us in either sense. The dislike of those faces with neutral affect reflects this, as those who are unwilling to respond to our emotional state and whatever triggered it are not only unhelpful, but possible obstacles as well.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Attachment Theory in Support Roles – Jeffrey Simpson<br /><br />In this study, we were looking for a correlation between attachment style (as posited by Attachment Theory ~ Avoidant, Normal,and Neurotic) and manner in which support was given and received in response to a problem. For this, couples who had their first baby within a year of the testing were used as subjects with the rationale that since attachment styles typically manifest most strongly during times of stress and that there are fewer periods of reliable stress than that following the birth of a couple’s first child.<br /><br /> I was part of a team of double-blind behavioral coders reviewing tapes of the couples interacting after being asked to discuss and give support to the other about a problem they feel needs repair. Results were not finished by the time I graduated.<br /><br /><br /><br />Terror Management Theory (word recall + subliminal words)– Chad Marsolek<br /><br />A replication of an earlier study, it was meant to reproduce the effects of an experiment by a colleague. Participants had been shown to be more likely to remember words associated with groups and other group affiliations when subliminally preceded by the words “death” and “dead”, but not “pain” and similar. The basic theory expounded by the original researcher was that, when faced with death, we seek to ensure our immortality through identification with organizations more likely to live on indefinitely past our own demise, explaining upswings in nationalism during times of crisis. To test this, we used the same stimuli word set. Participants watched a fixation point and were asked to identify which side of the screen a word appeared on. The appearance of each word was preceded by a flashed word that was either neutral(i.e. “basket”), death-related, or pain-related. Data-gathering was not finished at the time of my graduation. The original premise explaining the effect always seemed too deeply philosophical to be entirely acceptable and I proposed to the researcher an evolutionary-psychology-based counter-explanation wherein viewing outside death triggered a defensive set of behaviors, including those which smoothed over group dynamics in favor of cooperative defense. This seemed more likely given humans’ lack of natural weaponry and favoring of group tactics. Instead of it being a result of identification with some greater ideal, the greater support of an abstract group was more likely a relatively recent display of the misapplication of a simpler process that had been developed long before social groups larger than a tribe was common.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Memory: Categorical vs. Identical Identification Between Age Groups – Wilma Koutstaal<br /><br />With a fair amount of research supporting multiple types of memory, new correlations had to be found and with what are often significant differences between ages in performing memory-based tasks, one study I ran participants for compared Categorical versus Identical memory tasks. The set-up was fairly simple. Participants viewed images of objects and were asked to make a size-judgment (in this case to determine whether the object, as it would be in real life during normal use, was bigger than a 3’X3’ box they were shown previous to the experiment beginning). A mathematical task was then used as an interrupter before a final identification task. In the final task, participants were asked to determine whether the images on the screen were either the exact same image shown previously (exact same brown cow) or if they were the same type of image (a cow), depending on which group they were assigned. The end results showed that though younger (20-30yrs) participants had an easier time with identifying identical stimuli, they had the same success rate at identifying categorical stimuli as older (30-50yrs) participants with older participants having more false positives in the identical identification task. My interpretation was that over time, with the general “neurons that fire together, wire together” effect, general associations are increasingly reinforced since categorical identification not only seems to occur more often,but due to being less specific also has lower requirements for forming a connection. Given enough time, this overall categorization process may start to overshadow identification of specifics due to its greater strength of association or simply being easier to access thanks to being wired into a greater network of neurons.The Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434006710613047471noreply@blogger.com0